“Style of your hair
Shape of your eyes and your nose
The way you stare…
As if you see, right through to my soul”
-Ne-Yo “Part of The List”
Look, this is what’s going on. I’m feeling this guy. In reality, I really don’t know how he feels, but let’s just say, I’m thinking positive. He one of those guys you see and go, “Is he really looking at me?” Then you turn around to look back if he’s still looking and he’s already turned back around. The feeling is frustrating, but yet liberating for your ego. It lets you know that you still got it.
Man, I went psychic trollipin’ again, but something is really different about this psychic. She not only remembered the info she told me 2months ago, but also remembered who I asked about. I was amazed. Gwanii found her, too. Haha. I told her she was one of my favorite psychics.
People don’t believe in these people, but I do. I believe they were put on Earth for a reason. If you want to take the risk of knowing things before they happen, then go talk to a good one, but I promise you will spend over $500+ trying to find a good one. And it always seems once you find a good one… The time is cut short, as if they weren’t supposed to tell you that locked-up secret that they envisioned while reading you. It breaks your heart the way fate works out.
There are so many things I want to get out that I just don’t know how to say. I got Ne-Yo on repeat, feeling his lyrics, because he actually paints a picture. I’m not seeing dick or puss when I’m listening to him, but an actual relationship acting in your head. I believe that’s why I’m becoming a stan, and also the fact he can actually write and sing. I was feeling him when he first came out, then I fell off the stan boat. But this particular song…
It reminds me of how I feel when I’m infatuated with a person. I’m relating to it. When I’m infatuated, smitten, crushing, anyway you want to put it, I will notice everything from the threads in your clothes, to what I saw you eat that day. I feel like every moment I get to see you is golden and rare and I treat it as suck. I am amazed by you. The way you talk, your accent, how your eyebrows are shaped, the way you walk as if you know you have something to do rather than lagging around with friends. It sets the foundation and puts me in rose-colored glasses. You seem perfect to me, and that’s that.
Usually when this happens, I am disappointed, slightly heart-broken because the person never felt the same, and begin moving on with my life. Right now, I’m so used to disappointment in that area, I have an immunity to it now, and scare for big, great things to happen until they do. It’s not right, and it’s not what I should I expect out of life… Especially my love life. I believe I am so used to blocking out men, that I really do not know when they are interested until my friends say something. It’s sad, and makes me feel like I settled for being alone.
I enjoy my life, so to speak. I am very active on campus, very outgoing, love being around people, but yet I am still alone. This feeling is the most paradoxical feeling I’ve ever had in my life, and I really didn’t experience it until I came to college. In college, you really get that. People are officially growing-up and getting their own lives, their own apartments, and searching for their own mates. Your girl will hang with you until her man calls, then she has to go to make sure he keeps him happy, or since you’re the single one out the group, they come to you for advice like you know. All you can say is, “-*Sigh*- Do you bitches know when the last time I was in a relationship, and can’t you see it failed because I’m alone now?!!” I just wish I could scream it to the roof-tops, but I can’t.
So, I sit here and wait.
I usually envision myself alone… a fish tank, a cute puppy, and my cat. I’m on the computer, lights dim, surrounded by lavish surroundings of my supplied by my hard-work. In in a way, it makes me feel successful, because it means that I have prepared myself for a life of loneliness, and I didn’t need a mate to help build it up, but at the same time, it makes me feel like a failure, because I couldn’t find anyone to show my great work and that I actually accomplished my dreams.
I do pray on it, though. I have thorough belief prayer relieves and is always answered.
His smile is wonderful. The way is face is shaped makes me wonder how it feels like to rub my nose up against it and feel the warmth of his chin and work up to his cheek, being scratched by his overgrown fade. I love his imperfections, because that’s what makes him gorgeous and wonderful to me. I love it when sometimes he wears glasses, and the light reflects off them, giving off a gleam. The way they sit on his nose, and the dark contrast against his forehead, it makes me want to slide them off and taste the crook of his nose and feel is breath on my upper-lip. He fascinates me with his movements,… As if he has to be somewhere, but yet, he’s spending time with you because he made the time out for it. Independence is his first name. It makes me smile and feel imminent pride and gleam with a certain glow. I see him and my heart makes a huge pounding sound that is deafening, and it almost makes me wonder if he can hear it, and if his does the same thing. I wonder about such things, such as… Does he know I’m looking? Is my ‘fro okay? Am I adequate enough? Is my cleavage showing to much? Do I got to adjust them? Are my pants fitting okay today? Why did I order this food, I know I’m looking super hungry right now! Every time he sees me I have a book, does he think I’m a nerd, or just a bookworm! Oops, here he comes, I turn my head, but keep a peripheral vision of him, even though it makes me sad I can only watch out the corner. Please… talk to me.
This is why I believe in love at first sight.
